


not forgotten yet

by watergator



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotions, Family, Family Angst, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gen, One Shot, Pre-Season/Series 01, Sad times, also this is the third time I've tried to upload this, apparently mama holt is now colleen?, baby girl pidge is about to kick ass, fuck the garrison how dare they, no shipping whatsoever here bc this fic is purely for the angst, pidge cares about shiro, team where the fuck is matt and sam holt, the garrison is gonna be sorry lol, what a beautiful name, when will my bois return from the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9379133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: one shot about katie (pidge) hearing the news about her """"dead"""" brother and father, and it doesn't go down well..ps female pronouns are used in this fic, i put them in the tags but they can easily be unseen so heres a warning to anyone that feels uncomfortable or just doesnt like it :)on that note, i wanna say, I'm totally cool and open to all different pronouns for pidge, i know that there is a huge discourse over the pronouns over our smol green bean, so pls don't shout at me im soft ;(so with that, please enjoy and feel free to leave a comment and a kudos :) have a great day !! xx





	

They weren’t supposed to find out like this; not at 4am in the darkness of their living room, the TV light bouncing off the edges of the walls, sound soft and small, but loud enough for them to hear. And she was sure that she wasn’t supposed to hear at all, because she’d come down the stairs, toeing them, missing the parts that creaked when she heard a stifled sob from her mother, and she hadn’t even reached the last step when she saw the TV glare and the small frame of her mother who stood statically in the middle of the room, the quiet sound of her breathing seemed to be the only thing to ground Katie to the earth as everything else seemed to crumble and break away.

They couldn’t be dead, could they? It couldn’t be true, they wouldn’t be able to know now, it was too soon – there was so many things that surely didn’t make sense, but even with her logical mind, she knew that this could just be the grief taking over. It wasn’t until she blinked that she realised she was crying, and when she saw the pictures flash up on the screen, of Matt, of her father, her breath hitched and it was enough for the flood gates to be opened, and she hadn’t realised how weak she felt when suddenly she was sliding down the stair railings, gulping down desperate breaths of air, unaware that her mother was by her now, sobbing into her daughter as they sat on the stairs, crying, screaming and hoping.

She didn’t sleep that night, she couldn’t – even when sleep seemed like a fresh relief, her mind just couldn’t turn off as she slept on her father’s side of the bed next to her mother, who had let the exhaustion take over, staring at the ceiling for most of the night.  
They made breakfast and got dressed, and Katie couldn’t help feel last night was a complete dream, because neither of them had mentioned Matt or Dad, and there was a sinking feeling in her chest when her mother began crying again by the sink.  
Katie tried to help her with the washing up, but soon both of them gave up, throwing it into the sink to go settle on the couch, leaning into each other, not saying a work as silent tears dripped down their faces, staring at a blank TV screen, almost as if the news report from last night was still playing.

It was the knock at the door that broke the weird silence that had settled thickly in the house. Mrs Holt jumped up, the dog quickly taking her place, giving Katie a new pillow for her heavy head, when for the first time Katie heard her mother voice, and it was like listening from underwater because it was all so surreal.

There was a man at the door with two other guys behind him, their hats in their hands and they all wore uniform – and Katie knew they were from the Garrison.  
There was an unfamiliar tightness in her chest, sitting uncomfortably between her heart and lungs, because now her mother was sobbing, crying at the top of her lungs as Katie stood behind her mother, watching her crumble and beg and scream, and one guy actually moved back a step when it looked like she was about to attack them, because she was an entire wave of emotions, strong and fierce.

But they weren’t saying anything, nothing but, “We’re sorry for your loss” the same five words over and over again until they meant nothing to her, nothing but an excuse, a pathetic cover up from what had happened to her brother and father.  
No, “We’ll find them” or “We won’t stop searching” because they’d already given up, like these lives didn’t even matter to them, like they were nothing and now that they were gone it was over – but they had a life and a family and everything, they were people, brave incredible people, yet here they were, treated like nothing but a long lost ghost, never to be found. 

The other person on the ship, Takashi Shirogane – he was a person too, maybe he had a family, someone to love, loved by someone, a home, a life – and now he was just an excuse of a mission gone wrong, a scapegoat to a failure, a long lost ghost that was already being forgotten about. 

And no one seemed to care. The news coverage lasted a day, but after that everyone seemed to have forgotten, forgotten that a family was still grieving, a son was still gone, a wife without her husband – a child with half her family missing, and no one seemed to care. Katie wasn’t sure what her brain was trying to tell her every night when she tossed and turned and got zero amount of sleep – not sure if there was perhaps more to this pilot error or if she was just sleep deprived, and her brain just wasn’t ready to let go yet. 

Her mother hadn’t spoken since that day, and Katie finds it awkward to be in the same room, trying to make small talk, so now she’s huddled up in her room, snacking on what food they have left, because neither of them have left the house in days, and the supply on food is running low and Katie wonders if they’ll both starve here; a quiet, sad death.

That’s what makes her think – if Matt and Dad died, how did they? Was it peaceful and fast, or was it slow and painful.  
She tried to shake the thoughts away from her head but they pull back, unable to leave as they plague her mind, and the tears start up again, and before she can scream, she throws her face into her pillow, and even though she cries herself to sleep that night, at least she’s getting sleep.

Days drag into weeks, and Katie’s mother is dwindling into a small skeleton, a shadow of her former self, and Katie is sure she can’t remember what her mother’s voice sound like anymore, because the house is so quiet – they all might as well be dead. 

The Garrison seem to pop up every now and again on their doorstep, with files, Matt and Dad’s things, and soon they stop coming, and Katie knows it’s because there’s nothing left to do – no things to drop off, no more of Matt’s papers or Dad’s picture frames from his office, because it’s gone now, their part, their corner of the Garrison is gone now, and they’ve moved on, probable filled in that gap with new recruits, but Katie can’t do that. She can’t get a new Matt or a new Dad; and it’s like visiting a grave every day in their home, because they can’t just throw out their stuff and replace it. Because Matt’s Star Wars poster still hangs on his door, and pictures of their mother and father’s wedding day are dotted around the house, and it’s a grim reminder that they only exist to them now. Because everyone else has forgotten.

Until one day, when Katie sneaks into the bathroom, an old uniform of Matt’s in one hand a pair of scissors in the other, ready for this new life, a life where she’s brave, because she came into this room as Katie Holt, and leaves as Pidge Gunderson. Because she won’t let anyone else forget.


End file.
